You know that moment when your kid is screaming, the dog’s barking, and your brain is yelling “Say something!” — but everything that wants to come out sounds like yelling?

Welcome to the edge of reactivity.

Here’s the thing: you don’t just magically become calm because you “should.” Staying calm in tough parenting moments isn’t about willpower — it’s about learning how to regulate before you react.

And yes, it’s totally doable (even when you’ve already had to reheat your coffee three times and it’s only 9 a.m.).

What It Actually Means to Regulate Before You React

Let’s break it down. Regulation isn’t about being zen 24/7. It’s not about stuffing your feelings or pretending you’re not annoyed.

Regulating before reacting means you pause long enough to feel what’s happening inside… and make a conscious choice about how you want to respond.

It’s the difference between snapping and staying steady.

Why It’s So Hard (And So Worth It)

You’re not overreacting – you’re overstimulated. And when your nervous system is on high alert, it’s going to react fast. Like, real fast.

That’s not a character flaw. That’s your brain doing what it’s wired to do: protect you from perceived danger (even if the “danger” is just a sibling fight over screen time).

But when you learn to regulate first, you give yourself a moment to reset. To remember who you are. To respond like the parent you want to be, not the one who’s hanging on by a thread.

3 Tools to Regulate in the Heat of the Moment

1. The Name-It Game
   Say out loud (or in your head), “I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now.” Naming your emotion helps shift you out of autopilot and into awareness.
   
2. Shake It Off
   Literally. Stand up, shake your arms, move your body. Physical movement helps release built-up stress and brings you back to the present.
   
3. Box Breathing (a.k.a. Calm in a Square)
   Inhale for 4… hold for 4… exhale for 4… hold for 4. Repeat. Even 1–2 rounds can make a difference. It’s like giving your nervous system a warm hug.
   

You won’t get it “right” every time. But the more you practice regulating before reacting, the easier it becomes.

Eventually, that pause? It turns into power.

And guess what? You don’t have to do it alone.

🎧 Episode 3: Regulate Before You React is live on my private podcast Why Your Keep Reacting (and How to Finally Change It) and it walks you through how to build a regulation toolkit that actually works in real life (not just on a good day).