Imagine your child spills a glass of milk at breakfast. What do you do?
Your initial reaction might be frustration, but emotional regulation is the process through which you manage this initial instinct, take a deep breath, and respond calmly, helping them clean up instead of yelling.
What Exactly is Emotional Regulation?
Let’s dig deeper into what emotional regulation is. It’s the process of controlling or influencing the emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience and express them. It’s about maintaining control over your emotions and not allowing them to dictate your reactions or decisions, even in stressful or high-emotion situations.
Regulating our emotions refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and effectively manage how we feel in a healthy and adaptive way. Being aware of our emotional states, identifying triggers that may cause emotional responses, and employing strategies to modulate these emotions to a desired level. Emotional regulation is not about suppressing or denying our feelings, but rather about navigating them in a constructive manner.
Emotional regulation is a fundamental life skill that affects all aspects of our daily lives, from our relationships to our work performance. Understanding what it is, how our nervous system plays a role, and spotting examples of dysregulation can tremendously help in promoting emotional health and navigating life’s challenges.
The Role of the Nervous System
The nervous system plays a crucial role in emotional regulation, as it is responsible for processing and responding to emotional stimuli. When we experience an emotion, such as anger, fear, or sadness, our nervous system sends signals throughout our body, triggering physiological responses that accompany these emotions. For example, the sympathetic nervous system may activate the “fight-or-flight” response, leading to increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and muscle tension.
Let’s say you’re in the middle of making dinner when you hear your children bickering in the other room. Before you know it, their argument escalates into a full-blown shouting match, and you feel your stress levels rising. You intervene, but your own frustration simmers beneath the surface, making it difficult to respond calmly and effectively.
The nervous system plays a crucial role in emotional regulation. Specifically, the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which controls our fight, flight, or freeze responses, is heavily involved. When we experience a strong emotional reaction, it’s the ANS triggering a rush of hormones that prepares our body to respond. If you’ve ever felt your heart race when you were anxious or your body relax when you were calm, that’s your ANS at work.
The ANS responds to short-term and long-term stressors. If you feel the pressure of balancing work and family responsibilities, you find yourself juggling deadlines, meetings, and household chores on a daily basis, all while trying to be present for your children. The pressure mounts, and you feel overwhelmed, anxious, and stretched thin over time.
This survival-centric perspective of our nervous system can be problematic in our modern world where stressors are rarely life-threatening. Sometimes, in response to non-threatening challenges, the nervous system can overreact, leading to emotional dysregulation.
Emotional Regulation in Parenting
For instance, your child struggling with homework might cause your fight response to kick in, making you snap or yell when in reality, a more nurturing and patient response would be appropriate. This is an example of emotional dysregulation, where the nervous system and brain are not efficiently working together to manage emotions and stress.
The good news is that we can learn to regulate our emotions more effectively with practice. It starts with recognizing the signs of emotional dysregulation – such as overreactions or intense mood swings – and taking steps to calm the ANS response. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, yoga, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation can all help soothe an overactive nervous system.
Understanding emotional regulation can truly enhance our interactions and relationships, especially with our children. It teaches us to stay calm under stress, respond more effectively to life’s challenges, and model healthy emotional reactions for our young ones. As parents, we’re always striving to give our children the best, and a deep comprehension of emotional regulation is an incredible tool for the job.
